Wednesday evening / The heat gets worse from day to day / and I cannot well bear it, & / yet I can't go away either - for - / I can find no man to come & / stay here, & take care of things / So I roast & boil, & feel / weak - Phil has gone, O Phil - / tomorrow I will get a carriage & / drive to Richmond I think, & / look at the road where I / was happy once - a long / time ago it was - I had dined / at the hotel there - a big / hideous vulgar horror of a / place, but I forgave it all / its horribleness - & there / was a spot in the road as / I drove back where my / eyes saw an unforgettable thing, / I shall never, belike, know about / it meant, quite - a little I / may guess - but I doubt if I / shall ever know all - if it / had been what hope could have / made of it I should have / been made content to die / there & then - but Lord! / perhaps I shall never know the / scale of it - & meantime I / was rapt up into heaven, & / I think tomorrow I will go / & look at the place - / I have painted these days / at my three trumpeters - & I / have bettered them - made them / white, & made the land ? / waste & awful - & I will / call it "the challenge in / the wilderness" / what did it mean that / vision on The Richmond road? / I dont ask you who know / nothing of it, & whom for / once I do not take into / my confidence - I am asking / fate what it really was. / Oh it was nothing - let be - / please God there are years / before me to serve in / & at last to win - / perhaps never to win - its all / too late - late! its / late to the pitch of absurdity / and meantime the service is / so beautiful. What better / thing do I ask of God than / to let every life be beautiful. / & rhyme with my work / but for all that I pine to / find myself again on that / road, & I shall know / the place, I remember / the aspect of the road. / I don't say I shall see it / when I come to die. / 2 / dear, I hate to be alone / like this - thought gets too keen / & lost life too bitter - and I / am so hungry, I mean my eyes / are hungry to see, & my heart / to be fed. / and then I want so dreadfully to / make a bargain with heaven & / devote myself, if they will be / good to you, & make life / delicious & splendid for you - / if I want it ever so hard, as I do God knows, no angel / comes in to take me at my / word / what would I do for her? / They couldnt invent the / thing I / wouldn't do for her. & Death / would be the least of the things. / There, now enough of that - / to write it is weakness, & to / read it may be a kind of / pain. Lets be merry - / Which reminds me of / the classic in Martin Chuzzlewit. / "Let us be merry, said Mr. Pecksniff / & here he took a captain's / biscuit" / I draw the fat woman of / Rottingdean at her tub for / you & it is so shocking / that I destroyed it & / send you an amended one - / with drapery - the other / had no drapery & was revolting / When I come to you - & / I am really coming am I not, on / the 22nd. Oh I knew something / will happen - it will never be. / - but if I come, we wont go / expeditions will be - we will / sit in the room & in the / garden & be very quick - / shall we? I shall want / nothing, only to sit with you / & talk & listen for a / little time - such a little / time. & I love distance / Yes, trees & hills to be far / away - but my friend to be / within handreach. / but do you never want me when / things are ugly too? I would / change then for you. - I would / show you a magic mirror and / change it all. / What did it mean - that moments / vision on the dark road - it is in / my mind always, & I am always / seeing it - sudden, unlooked for, / unhoped for - unhoped for - Oh it was / nothing at all I say - nothing - / a moments kindly weakness - / what a fool you have / got for a friend. / You called him a a fool once / - on a nasty winter afternoon / when you didnt spare him. /
3. I gave your note to Webb & / he promised to see after all your / commissions - he brought me / his acct. & I paid him - / it was 7d. you may pay me in / postage stamps if you like - / it will be very nasty & spiteful / if you do. it will be very / nasty & spiteful & mean & / cold hearted if you ever speak / of the matter to me again - / But winter is coming - sweet / dear fogs & chilly nights & / snow & you in London - you / in London - I caught myself / grinning from ear to ear as I / write the words. / The hot day has ended, & the night / came down close & still - not a / sound anywhere - out of all this / fierce fire some splendid good / shall come be sure - nothing / but good - from my soul I pity / everyone who has ever endured / it, & understood their capers, / and catastrophes - but with / your blessed, gentle sweet / help all will be well - / I know & see, and a better / me than ever was yet shall / be born. / Oh I cant send the / hideous drawing - I will keep / it / & send it if you ask for it - / it shan't at least go with this / dear, that is written and / of my quick heart. / And you haven't yet asked / to be free & let alone for / a week to go into the / hills & the clouds. / as for me I shall never ask / to leave you for an hour / but then its so different / isnt it? / Tell me about Amy - I think / much of her. / And now goodnight - / I must send off a business / letter or two before I sleep - / how badly I slept these nights - / & I'll keep the letter open / on the chance the morning / might bring me a word from / you - but I dont think it / will & I hope it wont - / [drawing of a hand pointing up] Goodnight. / I dont know only I should stop / writing - I cant stop thinking
... / 4 / nor think another thought - / perhaps she will come tomorrow - we / give each other strength that is clear / we love to be together - misery / keeps aloof while we are together, & / we laugh at nonsense as if our / fate was far removed - her eyes / set me alive, I laugh at little rubbish / things, I play with her - it is so sweet. / it is only when she is gone I sink down / & see the truth. / And I too am selfish - of whom am I / thinking all these days except of her - who fills up heaven & earth to / me - if I saw her more she would / calm me & make me more sane & be / good & patient - / Oh I will be, but not now - she / is doing something these days I / dont understand & I am not / sune, through terror & love - / ah you didnt think that ? / when you told me you were troubled / that my sympathy would grow to this / Yes I love them all round / & will always, but they have so much / & this little thing is so unhappy - / she scarcely puts out a hand for help / she raises no cry, she suffers & is / cheerful - she snatches at nothing, & / is so true - I stand by her, whether / they find me of not, & will never / be parted from her till God himself / parts us - oh he who can look / into my heart & see my desolate / passion tonight will surely / relent & help us. my hands / have never strayed, nor my tongue / - I have treated you as I would / the queen of heaven, so sacred / you have been to me - it will be / like that always - my vile hands / shall never vex you - o my dear / be pitiful to yourself / What a way I have travelled - / not a month yet - & its years & / years & years relly since that / afternoon. / I have been crying, thats because I am / so weak & need the open air & / can't get out - its no use / working. What the time is - 2 / or 3 or 4 - what does it matter / I wonder she is sleeping - she / shall have drawings to play with / & amuse her & hang near her / I wish I could be flayed & / hurry up, that I might look at / her / Why have I gone so mad over her-? / because she fits me through & through / & through = very tired eyes they / are - goodnight - / Who knows, perhaps tomorrow I shall / be gay of heart in spite of / the pit I am in tonight / "But why are you making this loud lament? / tonight - do you grudge the pain? do / you grudge it to her" / "Oh no - I love it - I like to suffer for her." / "would you like to love her a little less & / suffer a little less" / " NO." / "then dont be unreasonable, Ned, - its / a part of love - doesnt it make / her dearer to you?" / YES. /
5 / Six oclock at last / a very horrid bogey night it / has been - but as I said, if I'm really / paying your debts to the celestial / exchequer all well & good - but / I want to see some results quickly / - for instance if the past nights / payment would result in your / eating a big breakfast - that / would do - if the gloom I was / in during the last sheel night / mean 2 eggs at breakfast for / her and a cheery walk to Sloane St. - Oh we would get / through the debt together & / perhaps in a couple of years / it would all be paid off - / wish they weren't so business like & / mercenary - they always make one / pay up, with interest too - but / the head of the firm was connected / with the Jews somehow - or I / seen to have heard it / I dont think much of days on which / I dont see you - Can't see what / they are for - O how you / have swept the past out / of sight for me - is my / writing very indistinct? I / know it gets worse & worse / for I hate making such meaningless / shapes, but it mustnt tire / your heavenly eyes - throw my / silly letters away. / 6 Wednesday / I have just sent off the boy with the drawings - & / I envy him - he will breathe such sweet air - / & I envy the insensitive hanging things that / will be looked at & not look - what fools / they will be. / Its nic e for it to be day, the night was / very bad, I dont know what was the matter / but of course I can't wonder - I am so / mad about you & my heart beats so / violently - that isnt helping you to be like / this - & yet it may be - if it makes you / give me a thought, it may change you / from one sorrow to another, a little one / - for you are so sweet & merciful - / everyone else seems made of granite / except you. if you come I shall revive / I know - at least while you are here / & that will give me a chance - I so / want to be strong now for you will / need me more & more. at least / I want to be able to go about so that / if you sent for me I could fly to you / & sustain you. night & day & all / the time, moment by moment, only one thought. / no rest from it, one long strain of my heart to / you - it isnt wonderful I have broken down / a little, it must be a miracle if I hadnt. / but it will all come right soon - & it will / be such fun for you to have me for a friend. / - you will like it so. this coming up to town / is most unlucky & inopportune, but it may / be good discipline - but might have given way / to the comfort of each other's society and / being so constantly together that people would / chatter - for I cant resist you - you can do / anything you like with me I warn you - only / it will be a bore & sometimes an irritation / let us look at the good side of it - it / will not be unlucky if it uses us to be on / our guard - people may talk about me as / much as they like & always have done - / now & then the things have come round to / me, & are always lies - only you & / I & Georgie in all London know the truth. / but I dont want you to be on their vulgar / lips - & the best lips to the world are / vulgar when they chatter about sacred / secret / things - slowly, bit by bit, it will be / seen we are firm close dear friends - & / people will get used to it - I dont think / people ever do say things about you - I never / heard the faintest murmur - but nobody / tells me things, they know I am out of / all the life of gossip. after that talk / in the garden ? about our poor dead / friend I even thought you were ? / & asked Aggie if you were - I see now / how right you were. all the more / you felt it because of your own truth. You see I think you perfect - nay / but I do worship & reverence you & / live on my knees to you, & my eyes on / the ground. / So fly to me in all sorrow & I will / enfold you & caress you & spoil you / & pet you and say little complementary / words - no it must hurt you to / have been startled - more than / you quite bargained for poor sweet / but it wont hurt you - so lean / with all your weight - oh such a little / ?ight - tender gentle lovely spirit / I do love you with my whole soul / & life - it cannot be much to you ever / the past will be victorious to the end / in your constant heart - it is like an / insult to you for me to speak of it / but it will comfort you I believe - & / if it does & I see it what a reward / for me - what a sweet ending for me - / gentle, holy, full of peace - but I / want your face to be the last sight / my eyes will look upon - nay it / doesnt matter so much for that - / the thought of you will be my last / waking thought / I could hsve been so happy with you - / what fun it would have been - you are / so nice, O you are so nice - you dont / know anything about it - / there. there - do / do, come, I'll let / you off next time but come to-day / I'll make my heart pull you here / I feel selfish - my eyes are hungry /
7 / shall I never grow old? surely / a few more like this one will land / me there - & then we shall have such a / peaceful time. I feel just twenty - & / to look at me is to look at a survival / of the stone age - hair like moss - / hairs not hair - yes you shan't stop me / Skin like old bookbindings, & many / worse things there be, eyes fading out, / nose a lesson to the art-student what to / avoid - month at least with the / decency to hide itself in hair - in / hairs - that's very funny - are you / laughing? - you must laugh or I / wont go on - I dont believe you / are laughing at all. So I wont go on. / - it would be discouraging to a professional / clown not to laugh - I see it all. / but I love her with all my heart / & could cry like a child to look / at her - & she is going to be hurt / to b? herself with her own hand / that little kind hand, that can / cling & hold so tightly / shall I not feel ashamed to the deceit / when she has done it - yes - I shall be / frightened of her face, of her voice - / - reverse the story & imagine it all / another way & think how it will be / for me - if I had resolved to keep / with the dream of my life, & you had / helped me to the resolve - & then if / you loved me suddenly - (which is such / a joke that I defy any wit in London / town to furnish forth its equal) wouldn't / you tremble & hold your head down & / feel shame through & through? & feel / it to be a near kin to treachery - / yes, you above all would - & so / shall I - / ah let us not think too / sorrowfully - perhaps there are years before us yet & we may make / a fine tale of it, for all that has come / & gone - how will we try - & how we / shall win if we do - but you will never / laugh at my madness will you? - / & that is a joke - as if you / were not perfect. and you are divine / to say I help you, & to think it, & / to tell me - it feels when you say it / as if I had lived only for this - / they'll put things together I dare say - / & try to guess - but they will NEVER KNOW / & people get tired of guessing - with no results
The archive, which has remained with May Gaskell’s descendants, consists of more than 200 letters dating from 1892 up to the year of Burne-Jones’s death: three albums of intimate letters from the artist to Mrs Gaskell; two albums of illustrated letters to Mrs Gaskell and her daughter, Daphne; and other ephemera such as the artist’s brushes which he used when painting his famous portrait of Amy Gaskell. The letters are one of the most endearing records of all Burne-Jones’s friendships. They recount both his innermost thoughts and feelings and feature a cast of humorous characters, fictitious and real. They have been acquired for £200,000 with major support from the National Heritage Memorial Fund (NHMF); the Art Fund; the Arts Council England/Victoria and Albert Museum Purchase Grant Fund; the Friends of the National Libraries; and numerous private donations. Two of the albums are on display in the Museum for its Great British Drawings exhibition where they can be seen until 31 August. They will now enter the Ashmolean’s permanent collection. Following conservation, they will be made available as an invaluable resource to students and scholars of the Pre-Raphaelite movement, and they will be published online. The letters will add to the collection of drawings by Burne-Jones bequeathed to the Ashmolean in 1939 by Mrs Gaskell, forming one of the richest Pre-Raphaelite archives in the country. Many of the letters were published by Josceline Dimbleby, May Gaskell’s great-granddaughter, in her acclaimed book, A Profound Secret (2004), which recounts the author’s research into her family’s history. On the occasion of this major acquisition, Josceline Dimbleby will give a Saturday Talk on 8 August at the Ashmolean, in conversation with the curator of Great British Drawings, Colin Harrison. Josceline Dimbleby says: "My discovery of so many intimate and often witty letters from Burne-Jones to my great grandmother May Gaskell, forgotten for decades in an old chest of drawers, was one of the most exciting moments in my life, together with finding, wrapped in old paper and string at the back of one drawer, the paintbrushes he used for his famous portrait of my doomed great aunt Amy Gaskell, still with paint sticking to them. The letters revealed a passion that made it hard to think of this friendship as platonic and I spent a fascinating and happy three years piecing together and writing the story of what was A Profound Secret, feeling that I was getting to know my ancestors, and a very private side of Burne- Jones." Burne- Jones met May Gaskell in 1892, and she became the last in the succession of women with whom he enjoyed especially close, but platonic, friendships. She was the wife of a dull cavalry officer, and, in an unfulfilling marriage, she corresponded with Burne- Jones up to five times a day. The letters include a series of cartoon-like tales featuring characters such as the ‘fat lady’ and the artist himself, caught in mishap and misadventure. Beneath the surface lies the black humour endemic to Burne-Jones’s frequent moods of depression and insecurity. There is, for example, a superb sequence of caricatures of the artist suffering from flu. In the course of their friendship, Burne-Jones became dependent on May, confessing to her that she ‘reached the well of loneliness that is in me’. He also sent whimsical letters to the infant Daphne Gaskell (1887–1966). She was only six when she met Burne-Jones and he took an affectionate and fatherly interest in her, his own children having grown up. His letters to Daphne, written in phonetic spelling, include birds and animals familiar from his other letters to children, and several fantastic inventions such as the ‘Phlumbudge’ and ‘Flapdabble’. The archive also includes some letters to May’s elder daughter, Amy (1874–1910), whom Burne-Jones painted in 1893 in one of the greatest Pre-Raphaelite portraits (collection of Lord Lloyd-Webber). Colin Harrison, Senior Curator of European Art, Ashmolean Museum, says: "May Gaskell was Burne- Jones’s closest friend in his last years. He gave her a selection of his finest drawings, which she in turn gave to the Ashmolean in 1939. The opportunity to acquire the albums of intimate and humorous letters that he sent to May and to her daughter, Daphne, was unmissable; and we are most grateful for the support from the NHMF, the Art Fund, and other bodies, as well as numerous private donors. Their generosity has ensured that the letters have ended up in their rightful home, and that the Ashmolean now has one of the most representative, as well as distinguished, collections of Burne-Jones’s work in the world." Sir Peter Luff, Chair of NHMF, says: “Sir Edward Burne-Jones was the most prominent of the second generation Pre-Raphaelites and his work had an enormous influence. This exceptional collection of letters, which throws light on the last years of his life, was the most important part of his collection in private hands. I'm delighted that National Heritage Memorial Fund investment will mean they can be available for everyone to explore and enjoy.” Stephen Deuchar, Director of the Art Fund, says: "The Ashmolean owns one of the finest collections of works by Burne-Jones in the world, which will be greatly enriched by this important and delightful collection of letters."