feb 1894 / Bed / Sunday - / peace at last! / wind howling & beating at the windows / and teasing you perhaps - / but I lie so peacefully at last - / sixteen hours of ceaseless talking & / working & planning, but now it is / over - / & it is like old times to be writing / to you from bed - many a wakeful / night went so last year - it / was about now I think you were / at Worcester, at balls & things - & / I was preaching renunciation - poor / fool I was - / so still it is, - no one can come / in & talk or ask me any / questions - when I put out the light / in a minute there will go up a / prayer for you, & then ? thinking / about you till sleep comes. / When I woke this morning I was / dreaming hard of you - we were so / busy climbing such a height, but / well within reach of the top - / Goodnight - my soul is fast / travelling to you - only a ? / hand is writing - / - one o'clock. / woke up with such a blast / of wind - out of fast sleep - what / a shame to wake me, isnt it? / & no knowing how it is with you - if / you are lonely & awake & thinking - / what waste it is to be here. / there out shall go the light & / for eyes sake I will write no more / 2 / The night nearly over / but sleep difficult because of / the storm - how it blows still - & / what a crossing for poor Violet. / - nightmares all night & dreadful ones / - what appalling things they can be - / as real as life itself with an added / horror & terror, not of this life / even at its worst, but of the / abysses of space and chaos - / a ? than I had last night / never man had - no climbing / with you into serene heights, but / a lonely descent into unfathomable / pits, black shining shafts & / tunnels, & glossy ? a mirror / so that I could see my face / scared & lost, for hours & hours / it seemed - if you were with me / you could save me from all that - / from all that & all other griefs / & evil things you would save / me. / lucky I have bits of paper to / write upon - a large heap of dusty / bits left from lat years store, / when I wrote every night to / you - & many a one I burnt / without sending - but how dusty / the paper must be - / wish dawn would come but / it will soon now / it seems weeks since / our dinner on Friday - that was / so happy. / 4 / Monday. / all storm gone. / Clear blue sky - / a long sweet sweet letter / from you - heart happy - happy / & thankful. / & there you are, locked up so / that if I cannot get to you, at / least is ? else can - safe / from all teasing things. / Hal is to be very good to you - / he's spoiled very week I so / looked forward to - he is to be / very good - he is to let you / win at draughts. / Little flag out the window - / drawn so rightly too - so rightly / ah! you know / wonder what you would like but - / tomorrow or Wednesday - / think, ? I know I had better / not come tonight - I shall say / nothing about me escapade to / anyone, but I should have to if I / left this evening - & it wont / tire me a bit. & my heart / leaps to think of it - oh you. / I'll bring some more letters / for you to laugh at - & that / pretty one of your father's - / & Ranse's & Fleury's & / a nice one from Frederic Harrison / all to make you laugh - / oh Hal, Hal, why did you / get ill - didnt you know this / was my week - my one holiday / - sometimes I dont get one in / the year - & everyday I was / to see my goddess - & now / look at the week you have / made. / And now for as busy a day / as can be. / no chaucer drawing this time / so vexed, but I tried & it / couldnt be - sending off / tapestry this morning - more / mosaic designing later - then / painting - then the lesson in the / evening I give the lad - / then sleep I hope to night - / for there was but little / last night / & tomorrow !!!!!!!!!!!!!! / !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - unless you / like hundreds best. / Goodbye. - lingeringly I / finish - but not for a / moment all day shall / I really leave you / E / 3 / I wrote to Mackail about / a tutor but he knows of none / - & I have written to Crom / & that is more likely but / no answer yet from him - / & to-day begins my holiday - only fate won't let me have it / to my hearts content - it / lasts till Saturday - & I / hoped to have long hours / with you while I worked / - long talking times of the / sweet kind I am sure of. / but it isn't to be - / but I should like the holiday / only have them once or twice / a year & do like every moment of / them. O Hal why did you / get unwell? you will never / know how unlucky it is / for me