Nov 1893 / Wednesday morning / ill & frail you / looked last night - / and despair got hold of me as I / looked at you. this week I / had looked forward to, which shows / how young I must be. / and I think to-day I shall keep / indoors altogether for somehow I / feel no strength at all in me and / cannot resist the cold which pierces / me - and sleep I think has fled / which makes me tired out in / the day - & yet I only tell / you this to cause the business / of my letters, for you are so / quick to see if I ail or flag / but this week will ? / and now - I want it gone / Shall you really come tomorrow - / ok do - but if Mr. Crawly / wants to see pictures tomorrow / would be a bad day - for / I cannot give him five minutes / of daylight - so brief it is now. / and yet he could see nothing in / the dark. - Therefore it is I / keep Sunday afternoon for / visits. & I am now not = / = certain if I can keep the / destroyed picture any more - it / may be that it will have / to go away any day now - so I / am close at work on the replica / but let me see you tomorrow / do - out of mercy let me / see you somehow - if it is / hard for you to come here I / would go to you - I only / have to be at Queens Gate / at 8 and after 3 1/2 I am / free - so short are the days / will you write to me to-day / - me you are better - at / any rate tell me how you are - / it is all my life / I am not in a ? case these / days and am miserable about / your health - I have it in / my mind you take no care / and yet I can't always be worrying / you. You could get to hate / me or at least not to / desire my company much if I / tease you. / To day is nothing at all - but / tomorrow is to come & I shall / look again - while I look / I live & when you are withdrawn / from my eyes I seem to die in a / way, & stare blankly at / nothing /