July 1893 Sunday / a heavy day of fuss & bothers - / Georgie very unwell, I dont think / she can go tomorrow to the sea - / but I must go, unless the doctor / says she ought not to be left. / - for I am played out at present - / all morng I have worked at / a tapestry design which men / must begin to work from tomorrow / - so willy nilly I have had to / work - / Morris, dear & competing & he / put his obstreperous personality / on one side to make the morning / nice for me - bless him. / at lunch come the Tademas / & Ly. Pemberton & Ld Brownlow / have ? themselves - / in the even? I will go & see / Ranic & bid her farewell - for / I may not see her again this / year - she goes soon to the South / with her boy - and then tomorrow / I go - to be quiet I pray, to be / somewhat alone, for Rooke doesnt / count - if I said "hush" to him / he would be still for a year. / he is too good - to be grand / like this is to provoke selfishness / in others. / Oh London is Empty - empty / the light has gone out of it & / the beauty - I slept very / soundly - a happy dream but / I cant remember it at all, only / it was happy, so I suppose / you were in it - my God how / you can create happiness - how / you can make it grow & burst into / flower - it creates hope for / the world & its future that / such women as you can be. / - it is enough of happiness only to / sit & think over & covert your / gifts - beauty, grace, tenderness / pity, sympathy, unselfish sorrows, / unselfish joys, innocent laughter / & quieties, & life giving magic / of the very atmosphere about you. / - am lucky to have known / you, & at the thought of it / my own poor story of longing / sinks into dust of impertinence. / There was poor Ixion who / wanted the Queen of Heaven, how / he caught it! I'll take him / for my badge & keep his example / before me. / I doubt if I can add a word / to this, fro even now Tadema / is at the door, & the afternoon / will be bustle & confusion. / I wish Georgie was well - i didnt / want to be alone at r'dean at / this price, and feel guilty. / it is months since Wednesday. / ah dear, how I am made to feel. / but its all right really, & I know / God will take care of me & / such love as I have for you will / never be punished. - not that I / should fear punishment - no. / later / how often have I read your / little farewell letter - ! / a hundred times at least. / as if salvation depended on it / I have read & reread & / wrung out of it all it / could mean / it means kindness & ? / I know, & nothing else / and remember, when you are / gone into the cloudy mountain / for peace you are to tell me / & say "dear I have sailed / away for a few days with the / island of peace" and I shall / wait on the hither shore, till / you come back, & I shall never / misunderstand - then this / pelting shower of letters shall / cease for a bit - / do I write too often? / I could write all day long & all / through the night, & not say / enough / is it a silly me - quite wild / but such a slave of obedience / you will never have any trouble / with him. / how bright it is in Worcester / to day & how they chant in the / church, and how glorious it is / to be alive to-day in that city / you have to go to Church to-day - / shall you cry to-day in church / as you did before I wonder - / I want to stand by you once in / Church - it hasnt happened yet / but I want it once / how sharp & keen you have / made life for me sharp as a sword / - such keen air, as it is on / the battlements of heaven - / and I say to myself, one thing / my wanting to perfect & / purify & make splendid the / battle of this life & you / have given it - its in the / late afternoon of the fight / isnt it - sun going down / fast, & night creeping up / & you have touched me / with new life & courage -