1892 / Wednesday eveng. / When you left I read a little bit / & then fell into a long deep / sleep - so glad of it I was. / and now when this is written I shall go / straight to bed, & try to rest - I was / a brute to-day - made no fun / for you, no laughter at all - but I / am not well - & I will make up for it / till by & Bye. you could have stayed / two hours more, & still no one would / have come. / was it unfair of me to show / you that letter? I did it because I / wanted to know & to help me - / in a way I understood it but in a / way I don't - anyhow must not / wonder if I want to take you into / all my most innermost councils. / it came this morning and startled / & bothered me - but what you say is / true / the initiation will not last for it ? not / to last, & is such an ancient tie. / but for all that I am free - unless much / else had happened. Tell me what you / think, when you have thought carefully / over it. / and my work is getting better & better / isnt it? and the best is yet to come / if only I can live - dont you think it / is - yet often when a man has learned / his art, either how to live, or love or / hate or work or whatever is no gift / the bugle blows - "That horn is blowen / for me said Balan" but when / I am better & you have sent me on / my quest I will strive harder than / I ever have done yet to win a / little out of the devil's kingdom for / my Captain. / Ah I shall no be so ? about always / & strength will come presently - but it / is tiring weakening work to be sleepless / for so long. / of course you know why I am better / tonight - & tomorrow will be less / nice - & Friday will be strength again / - so I shall be nursed back gently / into life / It makes me so happy that Georgie welcomed / you - some day come to see her for / her own sake - she is the wittiest / company, and very pious - I say / pious because all things are serious / to her - only she is bitter upon folly - / but she is not Christian any more / & yet she hates it to be approached except / on bended knee. She is fine and noble / in heart & a stern liver, but I think / she likes you - at least she was very nice / for no one ever came so much to sit / with me as long as you may feel grateful to her. Who / wouldn't love you! / & forgive me for being so wretched to-day / & making you suffer - I will try so hard / to get well. Life is downright / hard, & one can never shout 'Victory' / always the battle to begin again, with / failing limbs, but yet with a stouter / heart - its rough-&-tumble in the / ditch just now with a vengeance. / Was the music sweet - sing to me / whenever there is a chance for I shall / love it - goodnight. Always yours / E / do you remember asking me why I didnt / sleep? didnt you guess? ... ...