67102 C. alone / The Grange / Jan : 11th ; /93 My darling, / I felt in writing / to your mother on Friday / as if it were partly to you, & / yet I did not at all try / to answer anything you had / said in your letter of the / day before. It was so dear / of you to write it, and in the / midst of all the tender sympa- / thy it roused I felt comfort- / ed for you, because I felt / as if you were not beating / about aimlessly in the waves / of your trouble. - it was / wonderful what you told / me of that little lamb know- / ing how ill he was. How do / we know but that their souls / are full-grown within them, & / that death clears the mists / that prevent us from seeing / this? If you said a word / in the room while you were / there he probably heard it, / and may have thought you / were still there when he said / your name. Certainly we / know that he could not have / felt you were far away, & / his dear Nana could attend / to him even better than you / could, with all your love. / It is extraordinary how little / notice children often take of / the death of one of their num- / ber until they have been taught / a certain class of feelings. / I think they take more notice of / a birth. How thankful I am that / you had your husband with you, / and to hear how lightly the ? / has touched him. I trembled for / dear little Ego when I first heard / he had it - I do hope you will / be able to take him South pre- / sently, and cut off all lessons / for three or four months - all / head lessons I mean, he will simply / find something to occupy his / young hands. I am sure it / is true, as you say, that / you will always miss the "little / angel one," for no one ever / really takes another's place, / but the children who remain / will be more like him than / anyone else can be, and / will beguile you out of yourself / more than anything. One thing that / makes me so tender over you is / that I know you will never be / quite the same again as you / were before this, and that the / process of the healing of the / wound and the covering it / up will go on underneath all / your other works and ways, beyond / to most loving human touch. / I am very thankful that you / have let your friends speak / to you - that heaven has given / you the grace of nature which prevents your turning away / from sympathy - I love you / the more for it. - / Margaret was here yester- / day & told me she had heard / from Fräuliene. Angela came too / and stayed with me, and it made / me think of you so much - re- / alise afresh what it must be, / to lose such tender creatures. / It was scarlet fever which cost / me my little Christopher 28 / years ago - only I had it, not / he - but he suffered the conse- / quences of it. Do you think / this attack was caught at / Clouds or brought from Lon- / don? It is enough to make one / want to bivouac like gypsies / in tents. - I feel glad I had / that little visit to the nursery / with you a few weeks ago. / You remember how I went / up first, leaving you with / Mr. Charteris, and at first I returned to sit down by dear / little Colin - on his right side- / but he would not allow this - / telling me to go away, it was for you. I do love children / when they speak the fear- / less truth like that, and / I moved directly, taking / a place on his left, which / he did not object to./ Poor Mrs. Frye, I am sure / she must be deeply troubled. / All is so changed, as you say / - Cynthia now either remains / alone or else is absorbed / into the companionship of / her elder brothers. I do / hope she will be a very / loving daughter to you - it is / such a sweet relationship. / One of the few comforts discerni- / ble at such a time must be that / you have nothing to reproach / yourself for - he was cared for / as well as you possibly could. / It is a perfectly innocent sorrow, / and one that many will be able / to understand & sympathise / with most tenderly. I know Lady / de Vesci will have felt about / it like one of your own sis- / ters, and both of them will / have felt keenly & deeply. / - I've been in bed for / three days, and read a great / deal. Amongst other things the / whole of Biblia Inns- / centium. I am so glad you / like it as you do. It is / to be bought out in a / cheaper form, in ordinary / print. I am now re-reading / Auerbach's "On the Heights" which / I never find come amiss. I may / not go out while the thermome- / ter is under 45 degrees, so have to loll / about indoors for amusement & / occupation. I think of you so / much, you all fulfilling the old / mysterious law of tribulation, but / I look to see good come of it to you. That is one of the mysteries, the / cost at which a soul may / be strengthened. But my long- / ing to find out the laws of / life more than to question them / - ignorance is so fatal. Our par- / ents in generations past have cer- / tainly both blessed & injured us, / and so are we doing for those / who come after us. Never now / will your little love offend or / be offended. The dignity of the / dead is great. Your devoted & / loving Georgie